Chapter 3 – Coping With Change

Is it really only one month since I came back from my most recent Amsterdam trip? Time flies, but it also stands still sometimes. It’s been an incredibly productive and informative 4-ish weeks in discovering myself, my apartment, and my life.

Moving Forward, Figuratively First

For starters, getting a grip on the fact that I won’t be living in San Diego anymore is a difficult one. While I’ve fallen madly in love with this city (because who doesn’t), I’ve also realized that it’s time to leave. Coming to terms with my life being ready for a new chapter is incredibly freeing and stressful all at once, and more.

Slowly but surely I’m realizing all of the things that I’ll no longer be able to see, have, or do once I leave. The little things you become accustomed to will be going away and that’s a challenging step to take forward, but SO worth it! I employ the ‘challenges help you grow’ (displayed in my professional marketing blog) mentality as much as possible so these small steps I’m taking to sell, donate, or transition my life have been an interesting and enlightening experience.

It’s a cathartic feeling going through all of the things you’ve collected over the past 10+ years and deciding if it’s worth your space to keep it or not. If you’ve ever wondered whether or not you need something but keep it “just in case” you needed it someday, we’re one in the same.

Allowing Myself To Let Go

The process of cleaning out 8+ years of living in my current apartment means cleaning out 8 years of junk! Not to mention the things I’ve kept since as far back as high school as memories. Those “just in case” items have now become my “never came” past and so, they must go, along with all of the memories that could have been. At the time of this article, that means using the OfferUp app to the best of my abilities along with every other ‘sell your junk’ site possible, combined with donations to Goodwill of course.

The comforts I’ve come to know and love, even without my acutely aware knowledge at the time, are likely also going away. While the Netherlands is not exactly (meaning by any stretch) a 2nd or 3rd world country, it still does not have all of the “luxuries” we know and find comfort in. The huge box stores that you can find ANYTHING in (unless you count IKEA), millions of dining out options at your nearly 24 hour disposal, and the US Amazon which I’ve come to learn does not ship out of the country – you have to use the local country/region’s amazon store and it’s less encompassing.

 Relief

All in all, it’s truly a sigh of relief being able to rid myself of all the physical clutter I’ve accumulated, as well as realizing what’s truly important. It’s allowing me to be able to experience more of life outside of my stuff I’ve grown so attached to. FREEDOM!

 

Chapter 2 – Letting Go

My Journey begins here.

Three Months To Go

To some, 3 months may seem like forever. To others, a blink of an eye. To me at the moment I returned from Amsterdam after having submitted my work permit paperwork, it was a little of both.

What I didn’t know at the time, was the day that I landed back in LAX, would be 3 months to the day that I’d be moving when I next returned! But more on that later…

Planning Ahead

Once I returned, I knew there was SO much to do; but where to start? I made a list of things that would need to be done just a couple of days prior, so I had an idea of the things that would need to be questions, cancelled, moved or otherwise but getting started was a whole other story.

There was a combination of, “OK there’s a million things to do but which should be first?” and, “I have plenty of time.” Most people I know are procrastinators but that’s definitely never been how I operate best. So knowing my strengths and weaknesses, I started evaluating the priorities because rushing is not my best strength. Not only priorities, though, but what could or couldn’t be done with this much lead time.

Too Excited Not To Start

I knew I couldn’t take everything with me when I moved. So literally the minute I got home and started to unpack, I began removing those clothes. You know the ones, those you haven’t worn in at least a year but have been keeping ‘just in case,’ those random shirts you never wear but ‘might someday’ or the pants you keep that you used to fit in.

So rather than wait until 30 days prior, I started throwing out clothes like a cartoon looking for something buried with things flying everywhere! As a woman who has accumulated things over the years, I had plenty to consider throwing out, giving away, or keeping. This was my first step to freedom of things, I think. (Though don’t get me wrong, I kept some of it!)

Purge, Purge, Purge

Have you ever felt that sense of freedom? Perhaps when you threw away your significant others’ dirty socks, or quit a job you despised? Every decision I made to rid myself of all of the stuff I’ve accumulated, ultimately culminated into a great joy and sense of relief. Even if you’re not moving, I recommend it annually!

This is especially amazing knowing that much of the clothes I had were still in excellent condition enough to donate. So far, and likely just about all of, the clothes donated in all were 6 bags I took to Goodwill. If you’ve read previous posts, you may know that I volunteered a lot the last few years. One of which was for a cat rescue agency here in San Diego, where I donated the remaining cat fostering items to. I encourage you to locate your favorite local shelter or breed rescue if you have items you’d like to donate!

Overall it’s been an extremely freeing and cathartic experience so far to really give to others and allow myself to grow personally by knowing these things are not going to make or break my future.

My Journey Begins

The Decision Is Made

Once the decision is made, there’s really no going back. Sure you can cancel the plan(s), re-purchase everything you gave away or sold, and quit that relationship or job you were heading to for this journey but….why would you want to?! Even though I’m in my early 30’s, I know that this is where my life should be going next.

When it comes to moving abroad, so many people have done it in their lifetime. I, however, was never one of them but have often dreamed of all of the traveling I wanted to do. I didn’t want to do the semester abroad in college because it was so much more expensive – loans are brutal. Growing up with just the basics meant only one trip in my childhood for the family that we had and I remember from when I was about 8.

Maybe that’s the trip that injected my travel bug. Maybe it was my grandparents who traveled and lived elsewhere in their lifetime and encouraged me to do the same. Whatever it was, I felt it beneficial to record my journey for whomever it may encourage, help, or inspire.

Spontaneity

….Is not my strong suit. I’m a planner (thank you Mom). I make sure things are prepared before I do much of anything, so deciding to move halfway around the world was a VERY long process. One of “pro vs con” lists, discussions with close friends, soul searching, and lots and lots of research. Not to mention the many discussions with the person who happens to be the biggest reason for this specific move and location.

These kinds of evaluations are imperative to me because of my personality especially, but also for the reassurance to myself and others when asked the questions I should have asked before making a big decision. Even little things like, oh I don’t know, where I’ll live.

At first I kind of had the notion that: I’ve moved from LA to San Diego before, what’s the difference?

Turns out, it’s a huge difference!

The Process Begins

Getting into the whole process of figuring out the steps was extremely involved. I want to thank Tendelle, the person who wrote the article: Dutch American Friendship Treaty: 10 Step Guide to Getting the Self Employment Permit in the Netherlands.

If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have had the slightest idea where to even start. From there, I did my own research and made phone calls to ensure that this was still the process from a year prior and it was! I have now begun to follow her steps and am on my way to moving confidently, safely, and legally.

I hope you join me on this journey of self-discovery, minimalism, and technical aspects of this process I may have never even thought about!

 

Relationships and Connection

In our lives we have so many people we meet. Do you ever stop to think of those you’ve met, got along with swimmingly, but never spoke to them again? I do, regularly, and wonder where our species is heading where there are so few connections people make because they’re too busy worrying about how much they make, or how they look, that we stop thinking and caring about other people. This goes on so often in work life, friendships, significant others’ relationships, that I’ve seen the disconnect happen in my own experience as well as others and it leaves this emptiness that doesn’t always need to be there.

A couple of years ago I started a plan based upon re-connecting with everyone on my social media (Facebook specifically because I’ve never added anyone I haven’t physically met before) by meeting up for coffee, volleyball, a drink, whatever, and ended up doing only a few instead of the hundreds I wanted to do. Why is it that we are so scared of real, deep connection and communication that we distance ourselves more often than make an effort, listen, or understand? I’m not sure where this fear is coming from for most of you, but for me it’s a fear of being disliked or shun for who I am. Maybe for you it’s fear of rejection, or fear of opening up about yourself, or maybe just about fear of knowing yourself on a deeper level.

We stay in such a state of complacency because of this when it comes to ourselves, our lives, our friends, our careers, our happiness; But when does it, or can it, come to a point for most of us where we decide it’s no longer worth it to fear so much? I’m sure there needs to be a breaking point for most of us that says “you have hit rock bottom” or something along those lines to want to make a change. For me, I tend to constantly/regularly be thinking about things I haven’t done and always wanted to, or need to do and keep procrastinating. This feeling for me lies within my desire to connect, one which I believe is an overall human need, especially during difficult times.

Lately I’ve been struggling with my career choices and options having been laid off a number of times. I feel that I need to go back to that goal of meeting up with those friends in my present, past and potential future. I’m going to go back to connecting with people and learning more about all of those I’ve encountered and made the choice to involve them in everything I post on social media. I also have a large chunk of people on there that do not live in my state let alone country, but thank goodness for Skype! So…what are you doing this week? 😉

My Machu Picchu Trip

So I’d been debating on whether or not to write about my trip, but due to my struggling memory as it is, as well as a personal request (dedicated to Raffi) , I want to try to remember as much detail as I possibly can, for as long as I can.

In learning I could tag along with a friend to visit somewhere incredible, new, and possessing an international treasure (AKA Wonder of the World), I couldn’t have been more excited! Especially when I decided to “brush up” on my Spanish. And by brush up, I mean re-learn…after only learning for two years in High school…

Pro Tip: Don’t try to pretend like you remember all of a language too quickly, you may *almost* say something like “pick me up” instead of “Can you take me in the cab too?” (Yes I almost said something to the effect of that but worse, but luckily realized it wasn’t right before I said it out loud.)

Anyway, arriving in Lima at midnight was definitely exhausting, getting through customs and to the hotel at 2 am was REALLY hard knowing we had to be up around 6. So what, totally worth it to make it to Cuzco, an incredible town!!

Photo: Mural in Cuzco (and a few of those in my tour group)

And thus begins the incredible food, i mean traveling, journey. But really, the food was INCREDIBLE!! Thank you to our awesome tour guide for taking us to some truly delicious restaurants throughout the entire trip (one in particular to be discussed further), teaching/reminding me of correct Spanish words, and truly being an amazing and kind person. Thank you also to those in my tour group who were incredible people I am lucky to have gotten to know.

At the risk of making this the longest blog post ever, I just want to mention that there is a twelve-sided, handmade stone in this town – quite the tourist attraction with people standing by it in native Incan garb to take pictures with.

We walked a huge part of this town and not only saw some incredibly kind people, amazing food markets, and art everywhere (including local peddlers), but the entire town is essentially built upon Incan ruins. From their museums to their churches to their government buildings, they embrace their history throughout.

I couldn’t tell you the name of each ruin we went to honestly, there were SOOO MANY during this trip. Most of them being protected and maintained in order for us all to marvel in its glory. The sheer magnitude of the stones themselves make you wonder how it was even possible to position them into the buildings they were believed to be. The remarkable depths and heights these people took to build their temples and homes were simply astonishing.

Our second day in Cuzco, we were off to the biking excursion! The first day was a lot of fun but it was almost all downhill. Riding through and around the Sacred Valley this day was like a combination of heaven, peace, and thrill. The valleys, green fields and happy people made it that much more enjoyable, despite any literal uphill battles I encountered trying to breathe at that altitude of around 9,000 feet…they aren’t kidding when they say altitude affects people differently each time! One of the highlights of this day for me was the oasis that G Adventures had helped to create in the middle of nowhere in this valley through the Planeterra foundation (www.planeterra.org) providing jobs for the locals and the most incredible food I think I’ve ever had! Truly fresh, perfect and fantastically put together. My favorite was the rocoto relleno, OMG so good 🙂 .

Photo: Sacred Valley biking day 1

I’ll leave little detail about day 2 as it was the worst possible day to bike the dirt/clay trails after a rain according to those tour guides…let’s just say clay + bike tires = stuck. However, we ended the trip at the salt mines. An incredibly massive area in the valley where they literally mine natural salt from the rains. The water itself tasted like liquid salt! Even bought some to take home.

Our next adventure was the infamous Inca Trail to Machu Picchu! What can I say besides the fact that it was the single most empowering and breathtaking experience I’ve had to date. The accomplishment of a 4,200 meter/13,700 foot mountain and ME camping for 4 days was enough to feel like I can do so much more than I thought I could. I still couldn’t have done it without all of these amazing people’s help on the tour – the guide, the porters, and mostly and most importantly, the incredible group of people I did this with.

Photo above: Porters, chefs, tour group

Photo above: Dead Woman’s Pass peak, we made it!

I won’t bore you with the details in things like waking up at 3 AM to get to the Sun Gate, but just to say it was MORE than worth everything it took to do this trail. The accomplished feeling combined with the reward of Machu Picchu is so much more breathtaking than the altitude makes you take in ;). Not to mention the amazing sights and emotions along the way. The views from the top, the random animals living in the mountains, the native people, every detail incredible in their own special way.

After our adventure in the enormous and fascinating city, we took the train back (thank god, I was so tired!) to Ollantaytambo to clean and rest up. The funny part is, none of us had ideas of resting very long as we all decided to do a rock climb the next day up 400 meters and zip lining down! I couldn’t believe how directly straight up this cliff was and how high it was…my main photo was taken about 2/3 of the way up and it took SIX zip lines to get down. Also, look up images for sleeping pods in this city – they hang over this cliff about halfway to where we climbed up and you can see the view they have.

Now leaving this hidden gem, we’re off to Lake Titicaca and the city of Puno for our next adventure. Arriving in this cute town with its mild Bolivian influence was a change of pace. It’s a smaller town than Cuzco but gorgeous in its own right. Especially when you realize it’s based along this massive lake otherwise known as Puma rock. Being the highest elevation charted lake (I believe is the term they used), it was massive!

The next morning we started our day with a pedicab, or chulo, ride to the water to get on the boat. Riding through the Uros islands was a truly incredible experience. These are some man-made (by REEDS!) and some natural islands.

While sitting on one of these man-made islands *Shown above* (yes it only was as big as to the reeds), we learned about how they made this island they LIVE on, and their history. Each year, depending on the rains, etc, they have to rework the reeds to ensure it doesn’t sink! They were incredible people and very nice. Most of them primarily spoke Quechua, but also spoke a lot of Spanish. I tried my best with my broken Spanish but they helped us learn basic Quechua phrases too!

After kayaking 2 hours this day, exploring a couple of the islands – including a RESTAURANT on one of them which was really delicious – we were welcomed into the homes of families on one of these gorgeous islands!

Photo above: My view from outside the room they allowed us to sleep in.

Such an incredible group of people. Not only do they trust us to all stay with them, but they cook and feed us, tell us about their lives (in Spanish primarily which I was fortunate enough to speak a few words along with Paulo speaking a few more!), and allowing our group to play soccer (futbol) with them! Granted, I didn’t play as I not only don’t know how, but had flip flops on….not exactly soccer shoes. But, I got to watch the boys play with the locals and had a lovely time!

After an incredibly interesting evening learning about the life of a grandfather who was raised in the streets and has now become an incredibly generous and kind man, we were off to kayak another 2 hours to the next island and adventure.

With our major adventures complete, my next goal was to see as much of the Lima area (we stayed in the Miraflores area) as possible since I happened to book a Saturday night return flight instead of Fri as most people. I’m grateful every single day of this as I didn’t get a chance to see it when we arrived. It’s an amazing town that I only wish I could have stayed another day in as there were things I would have liked to do like a bike tour we couldn’t find haha.

We did, however, see CAT PARK! An entire park where someone (some people?) feed a myriad of stray cats. They were all adorable and friendly and it was a gorgeous day to hang out in a park and in the city. We wandered, had some fresh fruit smoothies, and checked out the surrounding area of our hotel which included a very nice/new mall on the cliff by the water. It was overlooking the ocean and was a very breathtaking sight. Not to mention the volleyball court i could see from the wall! I wanted to play, but it was only one court and appeared to be professionally set up. Plus I had no idea how to walk down the cliff without a car….very confusing roads to get there :/.

Every experience was an incredible and unique one I will cherish as long as I live and can’t wait to do another! With each moment came a new appreciation for the history and Peruvian culture. Whether in Cuzco, Ollantaytambo, Lake Titicaca, or Lima it was incredible every time. I’m a traveler to my core, in honor of my grandparents, and I’m incredibly grateful every day for the desire they gave me to see the world and experience all, as much as possible, that it has to offer.

 

PSA for guys and their dating profile

Things not to put on your dating headline

Folks, these are ALL real. I saw so many lame, dirt-bag, pathetic or otherwise that I decided these needed to be brought to light. I’ve seen some remarkably douche-y comments in my time so I decided it’s time to put the basic item of a headline/one-line intro on display for all to see what I’ve seen.

 

“Is there a return policy for false advertisement?” – We get it, people have lied to you….you’re not the first nor the last, try something new!

 

“90% of the time people won’t respond 100% of the time” – See above.

 

“Hi”, “Hey”, “Hello” or any variation thereof – not an intro, people. I know you can be a tiny bit more creative than that.

 

“Come one come all!”  – Well at least you can’t say it’s a girl’s fault for expecting you to be faithful…

 

“I read somewhere that periods attract bears” – Seriously, what are you hoping to accomplish with this one?

 

Username: Thisismynightmare says “You have a perfect face for radio.” Hey ladies, this screams verbally abusive.

 

“Do somthin” – Can I correct your spelling? BTW, can we just put all commands on the ‘do not use’ template?

 

“Willing to lie and say we met at ___” – Listen, starting a relationship off with a lie is NOT a good thing, despite what you may have been told.

 

“No drama please” – What this actually tells me is that you bring the drama.

 

“My dogs are better than you.” – You created an entire profile with pictures, personal info and all just to insult every single person who might possibly interested in you? If you’re this bored, get a hobby that doesn’t involve other people.

 

“Meeting retards just got easier.” See above.

 

“Ladies only” – Is this really that necessary or are you just telling me you’re homophobic?

 

“Personal philosophy – clothing optional” – Congratulations on perpetuating the sexualization of women!

 

“Only if you can make me grin” – This makes you sound like you’re selfish. A relationship is give and take not all about you.

 

“Have a little depth” – This would be great if it weren’t coming from the guy with a gym selfie as his photo…let’s do our best to avoid hypocrisy, shall we?

 

All in all, these do help us determine which of you we should keep at a 10-foot pole distance so for that, we thank you. Insert shameless plug for a nice cause-focused dating app I’ve used: Neqtr.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Having it all

It’s been a while eh?! I tend not to write when there’s nothing at least semi-interesting to say so as not to completely bore anyone who happens upon this blog. But lately my thoughts have bombarded me on several levels and I hope my attempts at combining a couple of them into this one post doesn’t sound insane 🙂 orrrr so what if they do!

So full disclosure, I’m a single 31 year old woman struggling in San Diego to make a life for myself. Having tried numerous things, I settled on a career I’ve been ultra focused on gaining more experience (nearly mostly unsuccessfully) in for the last 3 1/2 years. As of this month I finally think I found a position that fits exactly what I’ve been looking for all this time! But that’s only a small piece to what exactly I’ve been contemplating.

You see, I have been single for the better part of my adult life. I’ve had many hardships, loves and breakups, disappointments and joys but none of them have yet led me to a concrete conclusion on what exactly my generation and sex is supposed to be. I get that everyone is different, and everyone has their own path…But what about those of us who want it all?! Greedy, probably, but somehow I believe that people who try should get everything they NEED and as much of what they want as possible without disrupting a balance.

Perhaps my perception is skewed by what people say versus what is real, but I see a lot of very happy people! Which is fantastic, of course, but how did they get there? Lying outwardly but suffering inwardly? Ignorance of other options? It’s likely more-so an acceptance of their decisions I’d wager to guess. Some people discovered their path later in life, and some have always wanted a family or just a great career. Well, here I am wanting it all! And without having to lie to myself or anyone else.

Despite my experiences, I believe in happiness. I want to have the hope that says I can do it all without what society says I should be doing, which still has a looming sense of obligation to be a mother and only that. So finding where I fit in to this generation and this time of history is definitely a challenge and I’m guessing for many others as well. I think what I’ve discovered for the most part is just to be happy with what it is in the moment. Being open to opportunities is definitely non-negotiable as well in order to achieve desired successes. I believe good people deserve good things so GET what you deserve and be happy!

Coffee meetings

So I’ve been on the job hunt for the last two months, and decided to do a LOT more networking of late. I’ve met some incredible people so far and it’s pretty amazing!

I believe I’m going to get motivated just by speaking with my friend Lynnette’s friend, Dennis. He’s a pretty young guy (as was another incredibly motivating guy who manages multiple solar company offices she knows I had the opportunity to meet with shortly) and  is doing some great things with his financial services business. I got to learn more about him, how he met my friend, and how his business is doing. Having been in the military, he’s had some incredible experiences I’m sure, but being an advisor is a whole new level of hard work ;).

I also met up with Walter, whom I met at a networking event. Not only has this man started and maintained a business for many years, but he’s also helping people travel for less and help others both financially as well as the company’s charity work. He’s led an incredible life with these accomplishments and is admirable. I want to thank him for being a kind, helpful person and introducing me to his business! For those of you wondering: http://www.walt.rovia.com.

These experiences of getting to know other people’s stories has been pretty inspiring and I can’t wait to meet more people!

 

 

Happy Hour with Khrystyna

So this is a bit delayed since I met with her last week, but she wouldn’t let me take a picture anyway 😉 But all in all, I am SO incredibly glad we were able to get together! In fact, I had a hard time getting to write this in the first place partly because I wanted to do it some justice.

San Diego happens to be one of the top places to run your own business. Perhaps because it’s a small town feel in a massive city? Either way, I adore spending time with people who have the wherewithal to work SO hard motivating themselves and others (whether intentional or not). Khrystyna is one of those people I fully respect and appreciate knowing. She’s like me in that she’s direct and real, but she always finds a way to be honest with herself and others in a way that you can understand. I personally want to thank her for being an inspiring, genuine person!

We went for sushi at a new place for her with some sake, so delicious :). Being able to hang out with her for just that short time, I was able to catch up with what she’s doing and her excitement for her career in real estate. The conversation we had was awesome because it was so real and honest. These kinds of convos remind you not only who you are but who you’d like to be “when you grow up” ;). Her passion, caring nature, and honesty make her someone I respect and care about and hope nothing but the best for.

To those like her who appreciate introspection, honesty and love; I salute you.

Brunch meetup!

Yep, definitely happy with the route/methods I’ve chosen to do this project. Not rushing through a coffee date but being able to relax and spend time with people I haven’t seen in YEARS (James) and not limit it to just coffee seems to be the way to go for me. At least for the most part, people are happy and, fortunately for me, able to take out more than 30 minutes of their time to meet and catch up. On that note, thanks for joining us on little sleep James!

The timing for this outing worked out that they were both available at the same time, and since I don’t get to spend any one on one time with either of these awesome people, I thought a combo meetup would be fun! Neither of them knew each other but hopefully they enjoyed meeting someone new as they are both genuine, nice people I’m lucky enough to know. Catching up with their plans and current situation was awesome! While Leah and I didn’t get to play volleyball together last weekend, we got to wander downtown Long Beach with the plans to come back for some Roscoe’s delicious heart attack food another time :). These small things truly make a huge difference in getting to know each other and I hope to accomplish even a small piece of that with this project.

I truly enjoyed getting to know them both a bit more and building relationships. I have to say, it’s exactly what I wanted so far! Feel free to make suggestions/comments below.

Thanks for following!

 

James, Leah and I